Sunday, November 15, 2009

A dilemma

I have a small dilemma. I want to read Sarah Palin's Going Rogue: An American Life and hear what she has to say. I don't think Going Rogue will be any good, but I want to read Sarah Palin's skewed interpretation of events so I can mock her repeatedly.

Anyway, here's my dilemma: I don't want to give her any moneyit'd be rewarding stupidity. And knowing my luck I'd give her $3.50 and that would be the $3.50 that wins her the 2012 US election. If that happens, we can look forward to
  • moose hunting becoming the US's national sport
  • the world's 204 countries becoming 3 countries: America, Alaska, and Not-Alaska-or-America
  • people dropping their g'sit's gonna happen.
  • all acorns being removed from US soil
  • privately-funded death panels becoming the norm. The government can't be trusted with something like that.
  • a law requiring people to keep barracudas as pets.
I want to avoid all that hassle. Besides, I can think of better ways to spend the $3.50 (give-or-take) in royalties that she'll earn if I buy her book. With that $3.50 I could
  1. Buy a newspaper and mail it to Sarah Palin
  2. Buy her a good speech. I'm sure a homeless guy would write one
  3. Throw my change in the garbage. It'd be more useful that way
I could continue mocking Sarah Palin, but at this point it's just not fun anymore. Tina Fey, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O'Brian, and Jon Stewart can do a much better job than I can. They've made mocking Sarah Palin similar to mocking the Ford Pinto: pointless but fun nonetheless.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Richard Dawkins, You Owe Me $21.95. Plus Tax.

Mockery is an important tool for squelching stupidity
- Scott Adams

I'm not religious, so when I read Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, I expected some entertaining and well thought-out anti-God arguments. I was disappointed. Still, Richards Dawkins succeeded in converting me. I am now a member of the Church of I-Think-Richard-Dawkins-Is-A-Jackass.

See, Richard Dawkins' arguments have a very large hole. Let's take a look:

Our current arguments for God are fallacious
God does not exist

Sounds good, but he hasn't told us anything new. Let's take a closer look:

Our current arguments for God are fallacious
I can show you how the arguments are fallacious
God does not exist. Worship me instead

Nope—we still cannot see the hole. Maybe we have to look even closer:

Our current arguments for God are fallacious
I can show you how the arguments are fallacious
Religious people stupid and will never think of another argument for God
God does not exist. Worship me instead and buy my book

Now we can start to see the hole in Dawkins' logic. But we still need to look even harder:

Our current arguments for God are fallacious
I can show you how the arguments are fallacious
Religious people stupid and will never think of another argument for God
Even if they do, I am Richard Dawkins, your Lord and master
God does not exist. Worship me instead and give me money
I am not a jackass

What?

Our current arguments for God are fallacious
I can show you how the arguments are fallacious
Religious people stupid and will never think of another argument for God
If they can't think of an argument for God, then God obviously cannot exist
Even if they do, I am Richard Dawkins, your Lord and master
If you disagree with me, I will send a spaghetti monster to kill you
God does not exist. Worship me instead and give me money
I am not a jackass
I am God

That's the hole! Richard Dawkins does not command a spaghetti monster; the spaghetti monster commands Richard Dawkins.

Dawkins' arguments, though full of holes, did convince me that everyone needs to believe in something, be it evolution, science, God, or whatever. And his arguments also convinced me that he is jackass. That's what led me to create the Church of I-Think-Richard-Dawkins-Is-A-Jackass (also called the Church of Mockery).

If you wish to join me and become a member of the Church of I-Think-Richard-Dawkins-Is-A-Jackass, you need to do 4 things:
  1. Watch or read something that mocks Richard Dawkins (South Park doesn't count);
  2. Email me (keenerness@gmail.com) the link so I can post it;
  3. Make a donation to charity. The Church of I-Think-Richard-Dawkins-Is-A-Jackass doesn't need any money; and
  4. Tell your friends
The Church of I-Think-Richard-Dawkins-Is-A-Jackass is an equal opportunity mocker. If you feel someone else deserves to be mocked, mock them and post it on the internet. Then send me the link.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Prescience is scary

A short while ago, I wrote about the word faggot. I was being satirical when I said that faggot was becoming a common greeting, but there was an underlying message: a word's meaning can change.


South Park was wrong on one point: most of the time, faggot is still a derogatory term for homosexual men. That said, I don't think faggot is nearly as insulting as it was 15 years ago.

That's probably because the word faggot has been overused—just spend 10 minutes reading unmoderated comments on the internet.

I think that we need to come up with a new insult. Suggestions?

[Edit: I forgot to mention something. If you're interested in the changing nature of curse words, read chapter 7 of Steven Pinker's The Stuff of Thought.]

Friday, November 6, 2009

Swine Flu Tastes Like Bacon

I feel vindicated. This was the lead story on the CBC's website this afternoon:


I hope all my other posts are not this prescient. A zombie apocalypse would suck.